Stoplight blues

Today I was waiting at a red light at a cross-section that I drive through almost on the daily, and have been since I could drive…Except this time, waiting at the light, I felt like I didn’t belong there anymore. Looking around I realize I have had some great times and memories in this city. Sitting there, I wonder if I have done and experienced what I was meant to experience here. The thought came to my mind so suddenly, it felt more than just an “ah ha!” moment, but rather like a slap in the face.

Every year to me is like a new lifetime. Every year I feel a bit older and wiser, because I am, and I feel different. I can look back to my past lifetimes and still feel how I did then. It’s an odd sensation that I usually quickly shake out of my mind because it also brings me a claustrophobic feeling.

Lately, I haven’t been doing much. I can’t say I’m proud of anything I have created this summer simply because I haven’t created anything. I have not written, drawn, photographed, or designed anything all summer. What I have done is finished several decent Netflix TV shows, and explored Michigan a bit. This summer I totally wandered. I did whatever I felt like. My only commitment has been when I was scheduled to work. Other than that, I’ve been blissfully/painfully lazy.

This red light made me realize that maybe I have over stayed this stage of my life. Maybe my restlessness is coming from more than the anxiety of finishing my undergrad. It feels like NOW there is no better time for something new. 

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